She Is My Superwoman
by villyforever55
Summary: I wrote this prior to the recent indiscretion between Billy and Kelly and it will not be mentioned here. I just wanted to take a shot at Billy and Victoria and their current situation and hopefully their future. I tried to get into their collective minds to see what's going on and get to a better understanding of their individual motivations.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Victoria awakens slowly, turns and sees her sleeping husband beside her, his chest moving up and down in his normal rhythm. She watches him, marveling at his strong, good looks, and smiles. She snuggles up to him, and, in his sleep, he pulls her closer. It's early, about seven, and time to get up as she has a busy day planned. As she starts to move, a slight feeling of nausea hits her, causing her to run to the bathroom. Before she can finish brushing her teeth, Billy is standing in the doorway. "Are you alright?" he asks. Victoria can hear the concern in his voice and answers him. "Just felt a little sick, but I'm okay", she responds. As she turns to exit, the nausea returns, and she is sick once again. Billy watches her as she kneels over the toilet. "You are not okay. What's wrong?"

"It's probably nothing. I was feeling a little funny last night; it's probably just a bug. I'll be okay". She brushes her teeth again and leaves the room to go check on Johnny. Billy follows her and they both find their son still sleeping, surprisingly. Victoria starts to head downstairs; Billy stops her.

"No, go lay back down. I'll go get you a cup of tea; it might make you feel better." Billy leads her back to their room; Victoria climbs back into bed, as Billy pulls the covers up over her. "Stay there, I'll be right back." he says as he leaves the room.

As he makes Victoria's tea, Billy is angry with himself. He's thinking how much he has been leaning on Victoria since Delia's accident. Not in the way she would like, since he still can't express himself with his wife as he does in group or with Kelly. But he realizes all of the things he has left to Victoria to handle. Victoria has somehow has managed to do all of the Christmas shopping; he hasn't bought any gifts, not even for Johnny. Victoria has taken full charge of Johnny, the cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, everything that's needed to run a family and a home, she has done it all. "Damn, no wonder she's sick." He realizes how many times he has said, "Victoria is taking care of it." Or, "I'm sure Victoria is handling that." whenever anyone asks how things are going or if he or Johnny needs anything. That's been his answer for _almost_ everything, Victoria.

Billy, cup of tea in hand, reenters their bedroom and finds Victoria sleeping. A glance at the clock tells him that she is sleeping later than usual; it's now well after 7. Normally, she would be up, dressed and ready to start her day, but not today. She is tired, so he will let her rest. He walks around to the side of the bed to look at her. Even while sleeping, she is so beautiful, but he can see the exhaustion on her face. He looks at her full, red lips and realizes he can't remember the last time he kissed them. Her long, brown hair is spread out across the pillow, those silky tresses that he used to play with and twirl around his fingers; he hasn't done that in a while. He can see the outline of her slim, toned body under the covers, those long legs, and imagines how incredibly sexy she looks in her thigh high boots with the four inch heels. Wow. Now he remembers; the last time he kissed his wife, that night, when he knew the she wanted to make love but he couldn't, his mind had been too busy, to full of thoughts of pain and grief and vengeance and guilt, so much so that he couldn't love his wife.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" he mutters to himself. It wasn't too long ago that they could hardly pass each other in the hallway without a kiss, a touch or at the very least a smile. Making love to this beautiful woman has been one of the greatest joys of his life, since the very first time and far surpasses any distant (or not so distant) memories of the countless other women from his somewhat sordid past. Yes, there have been more than a few, but none compare to Victoria; he admits that he misses the feel of her naked, soft skin next to his. But, now, it's almost painful, because he knows he still can't give her what she needs; that part of him is somewhere else. It almost seems wrong to want to make love, or any number of other things he used to do; it would be like he's not honoring his little girl; like losing her doesn't matter if he does that. Doesn't make any sense, but that's what it is. Victoria hasn't tried since then and part of him is glad, he hates telling her no; he loves her and wants to show her in that special way, but he can't. Billy sets the cup of tea on the night stand and leaves the room.

An hour later, Victoria comes downstairs and finds Billy feeding Johnny his breakfast. She smiles, and sits down at the table with them. She still appears tired, but refuses when Billy offers her some breakfast, the thought of sausage and eggs makes her cringe. Without her asking, Billy gets up, goes into the kitchen, and in a few minutes, returns with a cup of herb tea and a slice of toast.

"You don't feel any better?" he asks. Victoria looks at him, shakes her head and takes a sip of tea. She nibbles on a piece of toast, "I'm just tired. I think I just need a day to rest and I'll be okay. Can you take care of Johnny today? Hanna's not available, so, can you?" "I was planning to go the group this morning; they are having extra sessions, since it's the holidays and all."

Victoria looks at her husband and replies, somewhat impatiently, "Well, I guess you'll just have to figure something out, then. After all, he is your son, too. I'm going back to bed." Victoria gets up to immediately head upstairs, leaving a dumbfounded Billy alone with his son.

She doesn't go right to sleep, mentally going through her to-do list for the day. With it so close to Christmas, there are a million and one things she should be doing. But, not today, as long as Johnny is taken care of, everything else can wait. She realizes she was short with Billy regarding Johnny's care, but, he has to handle it, she's not asking him to do anything she hasn't done, every single day. She yawns; stretching her long arms overhead her head, rolls over and closes her eyes, her mind still racing.

New thoughts, those unrelated to the upcoming holiday, jumbled thoughts, thoughts about Kelly, and Billy, and, god forbid, Kelly and Billy. She knows what can happen, it's happened before, with Nick and Phyllis. Can it happen to us, she wonders. She's cheated before and been cheated on, but this is different. Victoria is a fighter, but she doesn't know how to fight this. Chloe and Chelsea were easy, even though her suspicions of Billy and Chloe having an affair turned out to be a result of her own imagination working overtime. In business, she can and has been ruthless, underhanded, calculating and sometimes downright mean in order to win; she's done it before, and is not ashamed of her actions, usually. But, in this, she's not sure where the battleground is, other than her bed, where she and Billy no longer seem to connect. She brushes the memory of that night from her mind.

"Maybe I can make her ass disappear, it wouldn't be hard It and it would serve the bitch right!" she muses, jokingly, but not really. Another wonderful thing she has picked up from Billy, the correct use of really foul language. Funny, it feels strangely liberating, even when talking to herself! She remembers Billy cracking up and making fun of her the first time she'd used those words at him. It was a silly argument, before they were married, but he wouldn't give in, just kept taunting her, trying to make her mad. He was successful. She just turned around and screamed at the top of her lungs, "Fuck you, Billy Abbott!" Billy had laughed so hard he cried, and then they made sweet, sweet love. "Yes, the good old days."

She wonders; how in god's name did she end up here, so in love with this man? Where's that wall, the wall she's always depended on to protect herself? She knows what happened; Billy Abbott is what happened. Billy came into her life, assaulting all of her defenses, making them useless. So much about her has changed, because of him, being with him taught her how to truly love someone, and she is grateful for that. Yes, he can be a little reckless, but that recklessness and daring helped her out of her Newman ice princess shell. Plus, he somehow manages to put up with her father; he deserves a medal for that. She just can't imagine her life without him, and that little bit of fear of losing him is slowly growing with each day. Without him, she might go back to what she used to be, and that frightens her.

She needs to think of something else. Reaching for the phone on her bedside table, she dials the number. "Hello, good morning. This Is Victoria Newman. Is there any way the doctor can see me today? It's a bit of an emergency."

Downstairs, Billy is with Johnny, who is his normal, happy self, happier to be with his Daddy. "Dada" Johnny says, with a big grin on his face. Billy can't help but laugh out loud, as Johnny repeats his name over and over again, banging his toy on the tray of his highchair.

Billy checks on Victoria after bathing and dressing Johnny. She's still sleeping, but he goes over to her side of the bed, and shakes her gently. "Vickie? Honey?" She opens her eyes, yawns, stretches and smiles at him. "I'm taking Johnny out for a little while. Will you be okay while we're gone? We should be back in a couple of hours." Victoria nods, smiles, and says, "I have an appointment this morning, so I may not be here when you get back. You and Johnny have fun, okay?" She closes her eyes once more and rolls over, her back to him. Billy is once again surprised by her attitude, but leaves the room without saying anything more.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Later that morning, at Crimson Lights, Billy is having coffee, watching as Johnny eats his Christmas cookie. He waves at Dylan, who has just come in. Dylan comes over to the table, surprised to see Billy, and even more surprised to see him with Johnny, without Victoria. "My sister" he says to himself. He finds it hard not to like her. Maybe this brother/sister thing will work. So far, he thinks she really is something. Strong, willful, stubborn, but based on his friendship with Billy, he also knows she's a devoted and loving wife and mother. And, Victoria has been Billy's rock through it all.

"How you doing, Billy? I've been meaning to come by, but wasn't sure if you were up to having company." Dylan sits down, waiting Billy's response. Billy shakes his head, "That's cool, man. I've been hanging in there."

"So, it's just you and little man? Where's Victoria?" Dylan asks, indicating to Billy a note of concern. For Dylan, this is something new, having a sister, something he will have to get used to, but he appreciates Victoria's immediate acceptance of him as her brother.

"Are you showing a little brotherly concern? Vickie's okay, she just wasn't feeling too good this morning, so she's home resting and I'm on Daddy Duty. Why do you ask?"

"I've seen her a few times since…" Dylan doesn't finish the sentence, Billy nods in understanding. "She just seemed a little stressed and anxious when I did see her."

"No, she's good. She's been handling everything like a champ. She can handle just about anything." Billy smiles slightly, not sure where the conversation is headed.

"Are you sure? Look, I don't know your wife, my sister that well; you know her much better than I do, but have you really looked at her lately, I mean really _looked_ at her?" Dylan knows he might be pushing, but he continues. "She tells me that you have been going to group therapy. How's that working for you? It's probably none of my business, but I've been going to some therapy sessions myself and it can be hard, but it seems to be helping me, having someone to talk to about, my, you know, my own issues."

"Yeah, man, having other people to talk to has helped. I did find this one person, Kelly; she lost her son not too long ago, so sometimes, after group, she and I, we have a debriefing session over coffee. She really under stands what I'm going through. So, it's been okay, not great, but okay and it does help."

Dylan looks at Billy and says, quietly, "And who does Victoria talk to?" Billy opens his mouth to answer, but nothing comes out, he doesn't have an answer.

"So, Victoria doesn't need any help? But, she has you, right? Hmmm. Want some more coffee?" Dylan gets up to head behind the counter. Billy, still sitting, shakes his head in answer to Dylan's offer of a refill. "No, it's time to get Johnny home, it's almost lunch time and I need to check on my wife. Thanks, man."

"Billy, remember what you told me when we spoke about Connor? You told me that just when it seems like everything is lost, something happens to give you another chance to do it better. Maybe you need to take your own advice." Billy nods, and with Johnny in his arms he leaves, Dylan's' words ringing in his ears. He thinks about Victoria on his drive home. "Billy, you are still the same selfish bastard you've always been." he says to himself.

Victoria is just leaving her doctor's office. Luckily, she was able to get in quickly, after she called. She needed to know if her suspicions were correct. She realized how little attention she has been paying to herself, not recognizing the changes going on with her own body. Missing her monthly cycle was not unusual, having been on hormone treatments for so long, but that was months ago. The test hadn't taken long, so she had sat patiently, waiting for the results. The doctor smiled when he gave her the news; she was almost 12 weeks pregnant, almost through her first trimester. Victoria, in a veritable state of shock, had just looked at the doctor, giving him a blank stare, not understanding at first. Slowly, as he continued talking, she began to understand, she was pregnant, with Billy's child. She thinks the doctor mentioned something about setting up regular appointments and a prescription for vitamins, but she isn't sure. Why aren't I showing? Maybe I am and haven't noticed. She's saying this to herself, mentally, because she still hasn't said a word out loud. Her next thought is about Billy, how will he react to the news. Is he ready to hear this? She laughs out loud from pure joy, almost bringing attention to herself as she exits the doctor's office building, heading to her car.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Billy and Johnny are already home when Victoria opens the door. "Hi" she says when she sees him. She has decided to not tell him the good news, yet, if it is good news; she wants to keep it to herself for just a little while, she doesn't want this moment of bliss to be spoiled. She smiles at him, he responds with "Hi" and he hugs her, as if he has missed her, one arm around her waist while his other hand strokes her hair, his face pressed against her neck. She hasn't felt that for a while, him hugging her 'just because' and is unsure how to respond. Too many times he has acted as if he were in pain at the least little bit of physical contact from her. She breaks the embrace and walks over to the couch, in front of Johnny who is sitting on the floor, playing. She picks him up and hugs him, tightly.

"Did you and Johnny have fun while you were out? Where'd you go?" she asks.

"Well, we went to look at the Christmas decorations in the park and then we stopped by Crimson Lights for some coffee and Christmas cookies. Johnny loves the cappuccino there." Billy jokes. "I saw Dylan, your new big brother. We talked a bit."

"Oh, about what?" Vickie is sitting on the couch, playing with Johnny and looks up at Billy.

"About you."

"What about me? Why were you talking about me?" she asks, with a quizzical look. "Wait, don't answer that. Let me put Johnny down for his nap, first." With that, Victoria heads upstairs with Johnny in her arms, kissing him on his head, whispering words of 'mommy loves you' to the little boy.

A few minutes later, Victoria returns, still curious, "Johnny went out as soon as his head hit the pillow. So, now, tell me, why were you and Dylan talking about me?" She smiles, thinking they were discussing her as Dylan's newly found sister, an idea she readily accepts. After all, a girl can't have too many brothers. She has been looking forward to getting to know him better and welcoming him into her family.

"He asked how group was going, and I told him about that and Kelly and how it's helped me. Then, he asked me a question I couldn't answer. He asked me who do you talk to. I didn't know, so I'm asking you now. Who do you talk to about Delia and me and everything? I know it's not me, so who?" Billy sits down next to her on the couch, facing her. Victoria is startled by his question but answers him honestly, he asked so maybe he want to know how she really feels.

"I've talked to Nick and my mother, but mostly there is no one. The night you were at Nick's club with Kelly, I was at Crimson Lights with Johnny, I had nowhere else to go and no one to talk to. At that moment, I was taking off Johnny's coat, and there was this rash around his neck. I was on the phone calling the doctor when Stitch, Dylan's friend overheard me. He came over, took a look and recommended some antihistamine; it looked like Johnny had a reaction to the sweater he was wearing. Well, Stitch was very helpful, so we talked for a few minutes about Delia, and I unloaded on him, probably more than I should have, but I just needed to talk to someone. I needed someone," Victoria stares into Billy's eyes as she speaks; her calm façade is overtaken by her emotions, "because I can't talk to my husband. I couldn't even tell you about Johnny's allergic reaction because I can't talk to my husband, I didn't want to burden you. My husband, who thinks he has to pretend to be okay, who has to force a smile to take a picture with his son and Santa Claus. My husband, who doesn't want to talk to me. My husband, the man that I love more than anything, can't talk to me, can't make love to me, can't support me and won't let me share in his grief. So, who do I talk to? A man I hardly know, who just happens to be at Crimson Lights at the same time I'm there, having an emotional breakdown because of my son's allergic reaction to a stupid sweater." Victoria said all of this, her gaze never wavering from Billy's face, the last sentence spoken in anger at herself for losing control. This is not how she wanted this conversation to go, but she has to acknowledge how little control she has at this point.

Billy stares at his wife, the love of his life, this amazing, strong-willed, stunning beauty, her large, expressive blue eyes are full of another emotion, not with anger, but with something else he can't quite decipher.

"Victoria, I love you. But, I don't know how to explain what's going on with me. I know I've been shutting you out, but I never wanted to hurt you. And don't think for one minute that I don't want you. I do, every day. I just can't" he stumbles over his words, "I just can't right now. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, of doing the wrong thing. I just can't. At group, no one is judging me or expecting anything from me. I don't have to worry about disappointing them, the way I worry about disappointing you."

"And Kelly, what about Kelly? How do you think it makes me feel, knowing that my husband is turning to another woman? How do you think I feel when she comes up to us during the limited family time we have together, talking to you, letting me know how much of yourself you are sharing with her? And nothing can convince me that she didn't know what she was doing. You can't convince me that she doesn't know that having drinks with another woman's husband is wrong. You couldn't go to your niece's birthday party, but you had no problem going to the same club to have drinks with Kelly. I lost Delia, too. It didn't just happen to you. I'm grieving, I'm in pain, but somehow you think your feelings are more important. Somehow you think that my pain is more manageable, because I get up every day and put one foot in front of the other and do the things I have to do, so as not to burden you. Are there new rules I should be following? Is it okay for me to find some man who claims his wife doesn't understand him so we can commiserate together? Would that be okay with you? No, I don't think so. Am I jealous? Hell, yes I am! Show me one woman who wouldn't be?"

"Vickie, there's nothing going on between me and Kelly, I promise you. We're just friends."

"That's where you're wrong, Billy. There already is something going on. There is a connection there, the one you used to have with me. And if you can't see it, then we are in big trouble! In this situation, she is the only one with nothing to lose and that's dangerous! You're just too blind to see it." Victoria is in an uncontrollable rage, screaming, with tears of pent up frustration streaming down her face. Weeks of holding back her feelings had finally gotten the best of her. She collapses on the couch, sobbing.

"Victoria..., baby". Billy sits on the couch next to her, gathers her up in his arms and lets her cry. Dylan was right; he hadn't really looked at his wife. He holds her close, stroking her hair; this moment is about Victoria and her pain. His pain, for once, can wait, his wife needs him to hold her and let her know that somehow, it's going to be alright.

While Billy continues to hold her, she calms down enough to speak. "I'm sorry for my tirade. I didn't mean to do that, but, I just had to let it go. I didn't mean to make you the target."

"Don't be sorry. I do believe I had that coming. That and more. This is the thing, I don't want you in that place with me. One of us has to maintain their sanity; we both can't be wallowing in grief. What would happen to Johnny if I took you there with me? I couldn't let that happen. I didn't know if you would end up pulling me out or I would pull you in. Kelly has been there and made it out, so it just seemed safer. Plus, I didn't want to burden you any more than I already have. Guess I was wrong. I didn't understand that you were just treading water, too and that you were breakable and I'm sorry. That big red "S" you wear on your chest makes you seem so invincible sometimes." Victoria, tears still in her eyes, smiles at the last comment, and snuggles closer to him, her head on his chest.

They continue to talk, more openly and honestly than they have for some time, neither trying to protect the other from their feelings. Billy admits that he does feel safer talking to Kelly, but realizes that he may have been leaning on her too much, maybe, since he has some other personal issues to talk about, that Kelly doesn't need to hear, he can seek out a therapist, one who has an understanding of grief. He and Victoria can do that together, they both know now that she needs support, too. Victoria speaks about her insecurities regarding Kelly and about being left out of this aspect of Billy's life. Victoria even admits that even thinking about using it, and between that and her insistence that he needed help is what drove him to the group therapy meetings.

After a few minutes of quiet, still holding her, Billy asks, "Baby, where did you go today? Did you go see your doctor?" She nods affirmatively. "Did you find out what's wrong?" Vickie lets go of Billy and rises from the couch. As she does, he sees something different about her. He knows her body, almost as well as his own; he knows every curve, every line, every sensitive spot. He notices the slight extra fullness of her breasts. His mind goes back to this morning, and her sudden illness and briefly recalls that was not the first time. How could he have missed it? How long has she known and not told him? Are they so far apart that she couldn't tell him, didn't feel safe to tell him, terrified that he would be unhappy? And ruin her joy? He stands next to her, encircling her in his arms.

The look on her face tells him the answer before his next question is asked. A silent, "Are you pregnant?" passes between them. She nods and, says yes waiting for his next words. "How far along are you?" The answer, "Almost 12 weeks" is shocking for her to say and for him to hear. "I'm due sometime in June."

The fact that Delia's been gone about the same amount of time is not lost on either of them. "I didn't know until today." Twelve weeks. They had lost their first baby after only 7 weeks. Billy lets go a sigh of relief. Twelve weeks, is good news, very good news; in Billy's mind, this means they have a second chance. Confused, how could she not have known? No need to ask Victoria this, he already has an answer. With everything Victoria has been dealing with, somehow this child has survived. Surely, Superwoman has nothing on this woman, and he, once again is amazed at how brave she is. That she would be willing to take another chance, after so much loss, touches him deeply, knowing this will be her fifth pregnancy. She needs him now, to take care of her, to love her, to be with her, to make sure she knows he only loves her and this baby only cements that love. Billy kisses her, then bends over and kisses her on abdomen, that place where miracles happen and life grows and he sends up a silent prayer of thanks.

"I love you." His speech is low and soft. "Thank you for all of gifts you have given me. Thank you for being so strong, I would have never made it this far without you. And thank you for this" he says, placing his hands on her stomach, still in awe that their prayers have finally been answered.

Victoria gives in to those feelings of love for this man, Billy Abbott, as he holds her close and kisses her again. She returns his kiss, still loving him and needing him, she always will. She knows, in her heart, that she will never love like this again. He is part of her now, he lives forever in her mind and there is no true happiness without him, but another part of her is still determined. If there are choices, there is no choice but the one she has already made. She and Billy made a promise that their children would always come first, which is as it should be. She will live up to that promise, no matter what the cost.

Billy watches her face, almost reading her mind. He understands the reservations she must be feeling, wondering if he will be there with her and for her during this time. He is still grieving Delia's loss and is still struggling with his guilt. He has to find a way to reassure her, because, knowing his wife, she is going to do everything she can to make sure this baby is okay. He can no longer be _the_ priority, it's about Victoria and helping her with this pregnancy; it's about their new baby, Johnny and Reed and he accepts that. He will miss Delia, forever, they both will; another child can never take her place, but this new baby will have a place of its own, in their lives and in their hearts.

Later that night, in bed, Victoria's back is to him, and Billy holds her, his arm around her waist while they sleep. His closeness comforts her and she sleeps peacefully for the first night in a very long time. Her husband is not as far away as he once was, the rest will come with time.


	4. Chapter 4

Epilogue

It was an uneventful pregnancy, but Billy was true to his word. He was there for every doctor appointment, birthing class, and ultrasound. He continued his group therapy, but he and Victoria did find a good therapist that was able to help them both, as a couple. Johnny is thriving under the constant care and attention from both parents. Billy watches as his wife's body changes, often referring to the basketball she has swallowed, and receiving a swat on his rear in return, along with her laughter. In his mind, she has never been more beautiful, every inch of her is softer, her blue eyes more brilliant, her hair silkier to the touch, her lips fuller and more red than he thought possible. And, she is happy.

Jillian Nicole Abbott Is born on June 12, 2014, and is welcomed by the Abbott and Newman families. Her newborn picture is displayed prominently on the fireplace manual of the home of Billy and Victoria Abbott, next to those of her siblings, Reed, Delia and Johnny.

One evening, soon after bringing Jillian home from the hospital, Victoria is passing by the newly decorated nursery, Delia's old room. It was Billy's idea. Billy is there, holding and talking to his new daughter about her big sister, Delia. "Delia would have just loved you. She wanted a little sister; at least she told me she did. Your big sister was beautiful, sweet and loving. I'm so sorry you will never get to meet her, but I'm sure she is watching over you from heaven. That's what big sisters do." Billy looks up to see Victoria standing in the doorway, with tears in her eyes along with her full smile. Billy smiles back and kisses his new little girl, whispering "I love you."


End file.
